Popcorn Bucket Boneability - Captain America: Brave New World
Spoiler Alert: It's unboneable.
First, watch the clip from this week’s episode.
For starters, I want to be clear that the large mouth of a regular popcorn bucket does not constitute as “boneable”, it must be the accompanying movie tie-in attachment that transforms the bucket into a sex toy of sorts.
And so… being that the attachment for this movie tie-in is Captain America’s shield… which essentially transforms the bucket into a convex plastic wall… add to that the fact that it’s collapsable, and this bucket gets 0 out of 10 butter squirts and I deem it: UNBONEABLE.
This is, however… not the only popcorn bucket for this movie! Above is AMC’s, but Cinemark offers a few others…
(*NOTE: This is not an ad for Cinemark merchandise, it’s just the best picture of all of the popcorn buckets together.)
So to start, we have a non-collapsable tin bucket with a detachable winged backpack. The wings look hard and sharp and the backpack (which seems to double as a beverage cup) does nothing to add to this bucket’s boneability, plus you’ve got the shield lid.
0 out of 10 butter pumps.
The helmet-shaped bucket… is arguably the most boneable of all these popcorn buckets. Despite the fact that it has no mouth, it DOES have a fist-sized opening in the back of the head. Though it seems to have a hinged door that could impede accessibility for a man.
ON THE OTHER HAND…
For a woman… I’d say that mouth piece is PERFECTLY placed and shaped to hit that sensitive spot.
5 out of 10 butter pumps.
And finally… the Red Hulk popcorn bucket. I suppose you could make the argument that the space between his legs is boneable… but there’s a lot of jagged edges and hard flat surfaces to negotiate. Where there’s a will, there’s a way… but this one would probably leave a man hurting.
ON THE OTHER HAND…
Hulk’s small head and maybe even his elbows (and maybe even a combination of the two) could probably be used to hit a few of the right spots. (The hair ridges could be a plus or minus depending on the person).
3 out of 10 butter pumps.
I also want to give a special shout-out to the disgusting-sounding white fudge and pop rocks-covered popcorn being made special for this movie at AMC Theaters.